this morning, i woke up with no voice. not a surprise, my throat’s been threatening to close for a while in anticipation of sickness. today was the worst day it could have possibly chosen. i felt like a literal diva, refusing to speak as i drank cup after cup of hot water, honey and lemon. today was the first time i would present my graduate research work professionally at an academic conference.
voice came back on temporary. walked into the room, and two former professors were in attendance (one of whom had played a significant role in the path that led me into that room), as well as an academic whose work i admired, and whose book i had in my bag, autographed. like i needed anything else to add to my nervousness. i suffer through public speaking.
anyway, i made it through, and felt a new high. an affirmation of my work and abilities, my talent and my intellect. professional hoop jumped through.
affirmation hasn’t only come through in the language of my own achievements. new acquaintances, and dope deep conversations renew aspirations. i’d set an anchor down, thought i was past my ships passing through the night stage. corrected, but i’m a work-in-progress.
i’m in winnipeg. the last time i was here, i had to cut my visit short to head west for an interview. i like this city despite its dirty snow ugliness. i like it because i’ve seen it green, seen how the trees hide its plainness, seen how architectural gems shine so bright mute everything that is subpar. i look forward to coming back, know that it’s going to happen, not saying goodbye.
the place i’m staying at can only be described by the word glorious, but more on that later.
recap for the day: presented my research, rewarded by discussion, after-talk, promises of exchange. met someone who embodied a goal and realised that i still wanted it. witnessed a media production that provided an example of how to do what i wanted to do. email conversation with my sister, who keeps on running into rarely-remembered fragments of my past – people, professions and places. dinner with an old friend and new acquaintances, conversating about people i love and music i love. not that i needed a reminder, but i am so grateful for the people in my life.
my voice is deeper than normal, but at least my throat doesn’t hurt any more. tomorrow, i return to toronto, and for the first time in a while, i’m not returning to a particular something. and this is okay. over a year ago i wrote: “i’m ok with failing, as long as i’ve tried.”