robots and shadows

i reached into my dreams at least twice today confusion.

i woke up with a smile, reached out to confirm. voided, empty space crashing down on top of me flashbacks trying to tell me something i didn’t want to hear. three more hours until i could move, and only then after i traded one form of numbness for another. a chair pulled out footprints in the snow re-adjustments.

a conversation had me speaking falsehood with certainty, only to find out that what i was speaking about so surely had never happened. embedded memories. so we agreed to take the space a pact broken within hours distance intolerable. are you fine? sure.

i make it through on autopilot. i have to be careful, more careful than others. the only thing that keeps me from going under is that i’ve been there before, and anywhere-but-there is better.

today’s lesson: you knew damn well, tender woman/wouldn’t have changed a thing.

and now, a return to regularly-scheduled theory.