automaton

technically, today is the day i should be building an automaton. the day where i should place Self exterior. the day when i segregate emotions from living. but no. not today.

i want to see a photo of myself. where i’m standing, looking away from the camera, into the distance. i should look Self-unconscious, at a moment when the photographer (an intimate) caught me unawares. behind me, slightly out of focus, should be anOther entity. one that embodies me, but the neutral viewer wouldn’t be able to know this. one with buttons, machinery, strings. i should have crow’s feet, the ones i’m working on now, laugh lines that don’t reach my eyes.

the intimate who took the photo would caption it with something romantic, a projection of the feelings s/he imagines me to contain. but they would be wrong. the romanticism would be projected into the wrong object. the automaton would hold the real.

but if i were to build the automaton that would show up in a future photograph of myself today. oh, if only i would. if i were to build this objectSelf today, i would be called eccentric-crazy-weird, and i would be locked up away from this real.

which is kinda what i want right now.

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