bukowski, that is.
they’re gone forever, no
paper, no sound, no
fury, no placenta
just a clean screen
the trash can, Charles Bukowski
trash can free, balance is now elusive. a weekend to end all weekends, beginning with a manic high, ending with an intense physical and mental exhaustion. who am i to complain though, i don’t know tired like other people know tired. all i’m experiencing is a taste of weariness, most of it the fault of my own lifestyle choices, poor decisions and an urge for indulgence. the rest of it comes from engaging in emotionally intense draining situations that i wasn’t ready for, but still wasn’t ready to walk away from.
dealing with too many new ways of being. roles in personal and professional life have switched, knew this was happening, didn’t realise it was happening now. trying hard to maintain, thankful for how i’ve been able to. all in all, i’m in a good headspace. the summer’s wrapping up, and i’m aight. tomorrow though – new faces, lessons, experiences. beauty rest should help with that.
as my life shifts gears, a new one comes into my world. this is uber-exciting, i can’t wait to meet this new little buddy so i can pour my heart into him/her. i’ve got plenty of love left in me to give, i believe my love supply is infinite. i can only pray that i’m right, hope that no-one is able to kill that in me. sometimes i talk too much.
on a mission to not get caught up in petty. taking the time to put it out there: i’m serious about me, my family (blood and acquired), friends and community. and i’m expecting that they’re serious right back.
on a switch-up-step-up-help-me-get-my-leg-up.
i’ve been watching my acquired writing structure fall apart, my own true voice come through. are you watching this? this evolving transition becomes me, i become it. soon, there’ll be nothing of the old left, pay close attention to the new right. i’m evening, and you shouldn’t be either. what i create is a reflection of who i am, a process that passes through and changes me. don’t act like you didn’t know.
mad tired delirious about to fall asleep right on top of this silver laptop.