clouds in my coffee

i’ve been advised by close friends and family not to give random people my blog address. and by random people, they mean people who are new in my life. my friends and fam tell me this because of the responses i’ve been getting from my writing, from themselves and others.

responses to my writing always interest me: since starting this blog several months ago i’ve had to deal with a different kind of feedback which i wasn’t expecting. i’ve been amazed at how many of the people in my life assume that i’m writing about them. situations have arisen where my words on this blog have been twisted against me and so far, undeservedly because the post wasn’t even about the person riled up about it. (yet). my theory is that readers who i actually know who take umbrage come at me from a place of slight paranoia/megalomania. ego, natch.

advice-giving friends to me: “see, your problem is you tell people about your blog. and you’re public with it, so everyone knows it’s you. it’s easier when you write under a pseudonym, you don’t have to worry as much. and wait for a while before you pass on your blog to new people.”

most people i know in the blogging community aren’t “out” to more than a handful of people. most of the bloggers i know in rl don’t pass on their blog address to their lovers, families, co-workers or most friends. i can understand the need/desire for anonymity, protection and security online. i can also understand not wanting to deal with the response from those you already have relationships with. i understand why people write under a pseudonym.

but the whole point of this blog in particular is to make myself more comfortable with writing honestly. challenge my boundaries surrounding public expression of my life’s ups and downs. deal with having my personal writing out there in the world. i want to take ownership of what i’m writing about here. i want to take ownership of the decisions and choices i’ve made, and i want to be confident in presenting them, whether i’ve messed up or not. partly, this blog is about learning faith in self.

of course the people who come into my life show up in my blog. it’s my response to situations that happen that usually involve other people. i do have my own personal rules when writing about other people: limit identifying information; write nothing out of malice, spite or any other negative emotion; answer “yes” if the person whom the post is about asks if it’s about them; and keep the blog post about my reaction to the situation, not the other person’s role.

i’m now adopting a “never apologise, never explain” approach when confronted/attacked/questioned. i don’t need to defend what i choose to write about. writing is what i do, it’s what i need to do. and whomever i choose to be with needs to accept that and have trust in me around it.

and on a slightly different tip: yes, i do easter egg my posts.

Title reference: “You’re So Vain” – Carly Simon, 1972.

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