tons of stuff to do before tomorrow, but i’m not going to whinge about it. because i am very obviously and consciously procrastinating. oh well, it means i’ve been productive in other aspects of my life.

had a lot on my mind lately. trying to sort things out, prioritise, figure out who i am right now and who i want to be when i grow up. a lot of questions have been thrown my way, and while i’m not trying to figure out the answers right now, i need to get them out. clear out a little headspace, put them somewhere where i can come back to them later. when i have some time (on a side note – that’s something i need to reclaim. time. sad but true).

  • how do i assign value? to things, people, memories? how do i figure out what and who is important to me and for what reasons?
  • what are my politics? and are they truly mine, or were they just acquired along the way?
  • what calibrates my moral compass? it’s easy to figure out right and wrong most of the time, but what’s my decision process for the shady areas?
  • what do i want to achieve?
  • what are my guiding principles? and how are they/should they be manifesting?
  • how healthy am i? ok, so i know the answer to this one, and the question really is: how can i make myself healthier physically, mentally, spiritually?

typing them down, they seem like such vague and abstract and lofty questions. i doubt i’ll be able to answer them.

i’m feeling really disassociated from self these days. too much blockage. and the shadow of an oncoming depression is hanging around. sometimes, i don’t pay attention to where my mind is going and i walk in it for a few steps before i catch myself. but before i end up in that darkness (or before it overpowers me), i need to clear my headspace. i need to be able to figure out my defences.

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