my twitter post from this morning:

ohmygodohmygodohmygod: http://tinyurl.com/6brgl9

i’ve finally stopped dryheaving everytime i see this news headline in my feed reader [warning: do not read if particularly sensitive]. it’s pretty horrible – probably one of the sickest, most horrible true things i have ever read in my life.

i’m a horror movie buff. but this… i don’t know. nothing prepares for this.

violence and gore doesn’t faze me – not when it’s the product of someone’s imagination, and created through special effects. i have watched many sick and twisted horror movies. i count the saw movies, suicide club, ichi the killer, hostel and seven among the ones i’ve watched more than once. this was different though – it wasn’t cgi or raspberry flavoured artificial blood.

i also have a hyperactive imagination. when i read the news article this morning, i locked myself in the bathroom and dry-heaved for half an hour. my unforgiving mind recreated the entire scene. i’m still nauseous but i’m trying not to think about it.

i have no doubt it was infinitely more horrible for anyone actually there. not to mention the victim.

i don’t know how everyone actually really and truly affected by this is going to cope. i hope they do. i hope the kids who had to see that turn out okay. i sincerely wish that something or someone helps them make it through.

and the victim? someone’s son/brother/lover.

i’m losing faith, and my stomach’s heaving again. i don’t know why i’m feeling so nauseous – whether it’s because of the gore factor, or because someone who is capable of doing something like that is out there. in the prairies. on a route i’ve taken before several times. forgive my naivete and self-absorption at this time, but i’m shocked.

the last time i had this incredibly physical response to violence was when i had seen an image of a palestinian baby with its head blown off. just a body and a bloody stump, in a sleeper.

we’re removed from war. but we do get on the bus.

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nas got beef. bill o’reilly puts in his two cents

reconstruction of an imagined conversation based on media quotes from both parties (with bill o’reilly representing fox news) fffound online:

nas: you are visual cancer

bill o’reilly: really? you are a vile rapper

nas: well, your racist propaganda is poisonous

bill o’reilly: your new album’s a catastrophe

nas: nobody should watch fox news

bill o’reilly: nobody should cover your protest. unless they’re corrupt

***

fox’s pr department: we believe in everyone’s right to free speech

me? i’m inspired by politically-active artists. i just wish that some rappers would demonstrate the same responsibility for the contents of their lyrics. live your values.

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i’ve been on an anti-racism trip recently. every once in a while, i become aware of language in the media that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. these are a couple of examples i came across today. these things worry me. my whole life has been spent being othered, and it’s not getting any easier. maybe that’s because “grin and bear it” has now transformed to grit and bare ‘em. these may sound trivial, but they’re not.

Five foods to avoid looks at a tourist-trap food market in Asia. Exoticism and fetishism aside, this is the one phrase that got me.

“No local would ever show up here – that’s part of the charm.”

Pause. Bare teeth.

Like mother, like daughter in the fragrance world This article made me hesitant to admit I’ve got Annick Goutal perfumes in my cabinet (Mandragore and L’Eau d’Hadrien, to be specific). Whether it was the writer’s biases, or what Goutal’s daughter had to say, the equation of orientalism (who says that anymore?!) with sensuality is offensive. The perfume line is called Les Orientalistes.

Recently in Toronto to launch Les Orientalistes at The Bay, she knows that orientalism “is a fantasy, of course.” But she also knows about sensuality, that’s “real.”

Right. All together now, let’s perpetuate stereotypes.

Hospitality, Brazilian style really was a short piece about eating at a churrasco in west Toronto. Mostly harmless apart from the not-cute-at-all attempt at self-deprecating humour.

We’re a little embarrassed to be the obnoxious gringos who over-ordered.

Nobody really cares if you over-ordered, as long as you’re paying. When you’re swapping cash for food, you can have as much as you like. Nice of you to have the decency to feel embarassed at being “obnoxious gringos”. But you’re not that important. SWPL had this one on-lock.

i realise that these quotes are taken out of context and sound a lot worse when extracted. still. this is not on. people need to think about what they’re putting out there. and by “people”, i include myself.

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• what?what!, my cat, macgyvered her way out of my second-floor window last night. found her this morning soaked, shivering and miaowing underneath a patio bench. brought her back inside to the amusement of office workers on their way to work.
• couldn’t run around and do errands today because it’s bloody freezing. why am i wearing a full sleeve turtleneck and shivering in july?! oh wait, i do live in canada.
• i have about 50 pages of editing to do, a lyric poem due this weekend, my flat’s a mess, i’m out of garbage bags, and there are scraps of writing everywhere. and drycleaning that’s been piled up forever. just needed to whine about that for a second.
• i think someone’s staying with me tonight, but i haven’t had a chance to touch base (if you’re reading this and it’s you, call me to coordinate).
• haven’t been to see the dark knight yet because the theatres are still packed.
• contrary to the impression i might have given, i’m in a totally awesome mood. why? because i started my day with lil wayne. hate all you want .

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